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LTS: The^? theo ye^u ca^`u cu?a: chi. Thu Hoa`i, chi. Ha. Quye^n, anh Minh Nghi~a, anh Tu+o+`ng Lua^n, chi. Le^ Thu?y, co^ Tru'c Ba.ch, va` chu' DDoa`n Vinh... Suo^'i Nguo^`n so^' 09 la^`n na`y xin ha^n ha.nh gio+'i thie^.u dde^'n ba.n ddo.c mo^.t pha^`n tu+. thua^.t ve^` ddo+`i mi`nh cu?a thi-va(n si~ Du Tu+? Le^ trong ho^`i ky': To^i, A^'u Tho+, va` Me. ...Xin ca?m o+n thi-va(n si~ Du Tu+? Le^ dda~ da`nh
nhu+~ng ti`nh ca?m u+u a'i cho Suo^'i Nguo^`n va` dda~ cho phe'p Suo^'i Nguo^`n tri'ch dda(ng mo^..t pha^`n tu+.-su+.- ke^? do chi'nh ta'c gi?a tri`nh ba`y la^`n dda^`u tie^n trong hai nga`y Thu+' ba?y va` Chu? Nha^.t 21, 22 tha'ng 8-1999 ta.i The Stage Theater, San Jose, trong chu+o+ng tri`nh "1999 Downtown Arts Series," pha^`n Vie^.t Nam, do Ho^.i AVA to^? chu+'c.
Tha^n a'i,
TTTV Suo^'i Nguo^`n
To^i, A^'u Tho+ va`, Me. *
va`, nv.nha~, b.ma^~n, vdd.thanh, lt.ha.nh...
_________________________________________________Du Tu+?
Le^
Nhu+ mo.i ngu+o+`i, ra^'t kho' cho to^i khi pha?i
tu+. kha(?ng ddi.nh: To^i la` ai? Chu+a bao
gio+` to^i co' y' muo^'n tu+. ve~ mi`nh ba(`ng
nhu+~ng ne't ve~ to^'t dde.p nha^'t, hue^ da.ng
nha^'t. To^i tu+. bie^'t: to^i kho^ng he^` la` mo^.t
con ngu+o+`i toa`n ha?o.
Tuy nhie^n, to^i cu~ng kho^ng muo^'n o^m la^'y
cho mi`nh ta^'t ca? nhu+~ng xa^'u xa, nhu+~ng he`n
ha.... Nhu+ va^.y, theo to^i, no' cu~ng chi? la`
ma(.t kha'c cu?a su+. "le^n ga^n," "cu+o+`ng
ddie^.u" mo^.t ca'ch lo^' bi.ch ma` tho^i. To^i
va^~n nghi~, nhu+ co' la^`n to^i dda~ vie^'t xuo^'ng
trong mo^.t ca^u tho+ 6 chu+~ tho^i, nhu+ng dda~
co' to+'i 4 da^'u ho?i... Ca^u tho+ va`i chu+~
a^'y, sau ddo', may ma('n ddu+o+.c nhie^`u
ngu+o+`i nha('c nho+?. DDo' la` ca^u:
To^i Le^? Le^? Le^? Le^ na`o?
(Ngoa`i y' hu+o+'ng trie^'t ly', to^i muo^'n
nha('c nho+? chi'nh to^i ra(`ng:
Su+. thu+.c, cuo^'i cu`ng kho^ng he^` co' mo^.t
ke? na`o te^n Le^ tre^n ma(.t ddi.a ca^`u na`y;)
o+? ma(.t pho^ ra, cu. the^?, to^i muo^n no'i:
To^i luo^n tha^'y, trong mo^~i ca' nha^n, bao
gio+` cu~ng a^?n ta`ng ra^'t nhie^`u con ngu+o+`i
kha'c.
DDe^? co' ddu+o+.c mo^.t ca'i nhi`n tu+o+ng
ddo^'i kha'ch quan ve^` mi`nh, to^i nghi~, to^'t
nha^'t ha~y du+.a tre^n nhu+~ng gi` mi`nh dda~
vie^'t xuo^'ng; dda~ ghi la.i. Vo+'i to^i, khi mo^.t
ngu+o+`i la`m tho+ tru+o+'c trang gia^'y, hay
tre^n ta^'m ki'nh chie^'c computer cu?a ha('n,
ha('n thu+o+`ng cha^n tha^.t vo+'i ha('n ho+n lu'c
na`o he^'t. (No'i the^', to^i kho^ng co' y' loa.i
bo?, cu~ng co' nhu+~ng ca' nha^n, kho^ng i't,
tha^'y ho. tro+? tha`nh ngu+o+`i kho^?ng lo^`
tru+o+'c trang gia^'y, hay tru+o+'c chie^'c ma'y
computer cu?a ho..)
To^i mo+'i co' la.i cuo^'n tho+ thu+' hai trong
ddo+`i la`m tho+ cu?a to^i. Cuo^'n Ti`nh Khu'c
Tha'ng Mu+o+`i Mo^.t. Cuo^'n tho+ na`y ddu+o+.c in
na(m 1965, ta.i Saigo`n; ca'ch dda^y dda~ 34
na(m. DDo'
la` tuye^?n ta^.p nhu+~ng ba`i tho+ to^i vie^'t
trong khoa?ng tho+`i gian tru+o+'c va`, sau 1960,
khi chu+a to+'i tuo^?i 20. DDo.c la.i, to^i ti`m
tha^'y trong ta^.p tho+, mo^.t ba`i tho+ nhan
dde^`: To^i,
Du Tu+? Le^.
Ba`i tho+ co' 4 ddoa.n. DDoa.n dda^`u, to^i
vie^'t nhu+ sau: na(m mu+o+`i sa'u tuo^?i, to^i
chi'nh thu+'c khai sinh te^n to^i la^`n thu+' hai
sau la^`n khai sinh cu?a bo^' me.
tu+` ddo' to^i ba('t dda^`u la`m tho+
to^i ba('t dda^`u so^'ng - to^i ba('t
dda^`u ddo+`i to^i
nhu+ con so^ng ba('t dda^`u ra bie^?n
nhu+ ti`nh ngu+o+`i mo+'i lo+'n, ra^'t
nhie^`u bao dung
nhu+ lo`ng to^i ba('t dda^`u me^`m
su~ng
ba('t dda^`u ye^u ai, ba('t dda^`u ba^'t
ha.nh
ba('t dda^`u tu+` ddo'
to^i, du tu+? le^. to^i, du tu+?
le^.
Na(m 16 tuo^?i, cu~ng la` na(m to^i bo? nha` ra
ddi, so^'ng tu+. la^.p ba(`ng nhu+~ng khoa?n
tie^`n ke`m tre? tu+ gia.
Na(m 16 tuo^?i, cu~ng la` na(m thu+' ba, to^i
pha?i so^'ng xa me. to^i. Mo^.t ddie^`u, to^i
nhu+~ng tu+o+?ng kho^ng the^? na`o la`m ddu+o+.c
trong suo^'t cuo^.c ddo+`i mi`nh.
Vo+'i to^i, me. to^i kho^ng chi? la` ngu+o+`i
mang na(.ng, dde? ddau ra to^i. Vo+'i to^i, me.
to^i kho^ng chi? la` ngu+o+`i nuo^i na^'ng, che
cho+?, a^'p u? to^i, ke^? tu+` khi to^i mo+'i le^n
ba, Tha^`y to^i che^'t; ro^`i mo^.t ngu+o+`i
chi., mo^.t ngu+o+`i anh cu?a to^i, la^`n lu+o+.t
theo nhau, qua ddo+`i.
Vo+'i to^i, me. to^i la` toa`n the^? ky' u+'c
tho+`i a^'u tho+, nie^n thie^'u to^i; du` cho, ddo'
la` mo^.t ky' u+'c buo^`n tha?m. Mo^.t ky' u+'c
dda^`y kha(n tang va`, dda^`y nu+o+'c ma('t.
Nhu+ng ky' u+'c ddo', la.i chi'nh la` co^.i nguo^`n,
kho+?i ddi cu?a the^' gio+'i va(n chu+o+ng to^i,
sau na`y.
Na(m 1989 khi me. to^i qua ddo+`i, to^i ghi la.i
ga^`n nhu+ tu+`ng bu+o+'c hi`nh tha`nh lo^.
tri`nh ky' u+'c a^'u tho+ to^i, trong tru+o+`ng khu'c
"Me. Ve^` Bie^?n DDo^ng," (TK/MVBDD) vo+'i
nhu+~ng ddoa.n nhu+:
tri' nho+' to^i la` ngo^i nha` na(`m
ven so^ng dda'y
ngo^i nha` co' ra^'t nhie^`u cu+?a
so^?
co' ca'nh cu+?a ngo' xuo^'ng no^~i la^`m
than cu?a ma^'y ddo+`i cha.y gia(.c
nhu+~ng ngo^i mo^. xo+'i nhanh
da^'u xa'c ngu+o+`i che^'t tre?
xa'c chi., xa'c anh
Nho Quan, mo^`ng ba te^'t
nhu+~ng vie^n dda.n lu+?a kho^ng ha^.n
thu`
nhu+~ng vie^n dda.n lu+?a ra^'t khoa'i
tra'
to^i cha('c: ngu+o+`i xa. thu? Ta^y DDen,
Ta^y Tra('ng na`o ddo'
dda~ xa(`ng xa(.c cu+o+`i
lu'c tha^'y nhu+~ng vie^n dda.n lu+?a
xuye^n suo^'t qua tha^n the^? anh to^i
lo^` lo^. be^n bo+` ruo^.ng.
......
nu+?a dde^m
ngu+o+`i ddem tin
dda^.p ga^'p ru't ca'nh cu+?a go^~ lim
tie^'ng ne^.n thi`nh thi.ch do^.i tre^n
nhu+~ng bo^. ngu+.c thoi tho'p vu`ng
te^`
me. to^i xe' vo^.i chie^'c a'o da`i
tra('ng
qua^'n le^n dda^`u chu'ng to^i
va`, ba` cu~ng kho^ng que^n
tu+. qua^'n la^'y cho mi`nh
mo^.t ma?nh tang kha'c.
mai to^i che^'t, lie^.u co' ai ngo^`i
kho'c?
nhu+ giu+~a chie^`u nay, mo^.t be^'n
so^ng!"
....
To^i la` ddu+'a tre? kho^ng may ma('n trong mo^.t
gia ddi`nh nho ho.c cuo^'i mu`a. To^i sinh nga`y
mo^`ng 10 tha'ng 11 na(m 1942 ta.i huye^.n Kim
Ba?ng, ti?nh Ha` Nam.
Khu nha` cu?a gia ddi`nh to^i, na(`m tre^n lo^.
chi'nh da^~n xuo^'ng mo^.t be^'n so^ng cu?a con
so^ng DDa'y. Tu+` ba^.c the^`m cao, to^i co'
the^? nhi`n tha^'y be^'n so^ng na`y mo^~i chie^`u,
mo^~i sa'ng.
Cu~ng nho+` be^'n so^ng na`y, me. to^i bu+o+ng
ba? nuo^i na^'ng chu'ng to^i, ba(`ng hai nghe^`
chi'nh, ke^? tu+` khi tha^`y to^i ma^'t: Nghe^`
buo^n ba'n va^.t lie^.u xa^y ca^'t va`, la`m o^
mai...
Khi chie^'n tranh bu`ng no^? du+~ do^.i, khi
nha^n so^' trong gia ddi`nh chu'ng to^i cu+' thu+a
va('ng da^`n,..., co' nhu+~ng giai ddoa.n, me.
to^i pha?i go^`ng ga'nh chu'ng to^i cha.y ta?n cu+
va`o DDo^`i Mo+, va`o Do Le^~, va`o Nho Quan...
DDo' la` tho+`i gian tru+o+'c 1950. Khi ho^`i cu+,
kho^ng co`n ai xa^y ca^'t, kho^ng co`n ai dda(.t
mua o^ mai cu?a me. to^i nu+~a! Me. to^i xoay qua
nghe^` buo^n ha`ng chuye^'n.
Trong tho+ to^i, tho+`i ddie^?m na`y, hi`nh a?nh
me. to^i ddu+o+.c ghi nha^.n, nhu+ sau:
tri' nho+' to^i la` ngo^i nha` na(`m
ven so^ng DDa'y
ngo^i nha` co' ra^'t nhie^`u cu+?a
so^?
co' ca'nh cu+?a ngo' xuo^'ng bu+o+'c cha^n
ngu+o+.c, xuo^i cu?a me. to^i
tre^n lo^. tri`nh Ha` No^.i-Phu? Ly'
nhu+~ng ddoa.n ddu+o+`ng bi. dda('p
mo^
nhu+~ng dde^m ba.n ha`ng pha?i ngu?
tro.
tie^'ng "mo.c che^" ca^u va`o dde^m
dden
tie^'ng no^? "ca('c bu`m" ba('n ddi nie^`m
tang che^'
me. to^i bu+ng ma(.t
kha^'n nguye^.n vong linh tha^`y to^i
phu` ho^. cho ba` so^'ng so't
tro+? ve^`
nuo^i la^'y nhu+~ng ddu+'a con co^i
cu't
nhu+~ng ddu+'a con kho^ng cha
nhu+~ng ddu+'a con ma^'t anh, ma^'t
chi..
tri' nho+' to^i co' nhu+~ng ca'nh
cu+?a
mo+? xuo^'ng bu+~a co+m chie^`u
bu+~a co+m co' cu't ru+o+.u tra('ng, ca'i
co^'c sa`nh
me. to^i vu+`a uo^'ng, vu+`a ke^? chuye^.n
nga`y...xu+a
nga`y xu+a cu?a ba`: nga`y tha^`y to^i
chu+a ma^'t...!
bu+~a co+m na`o cu?a gia ddi`nh chu'ng
to^i cu~ng cha^'m du+'t ba(`ng nu+o+'c ma('t.
khi a^'y to^i co`n qua' nho?
dde^? hie^?u me. to^i kho'c
cho ca?nh ti`nh co^i cu't cu?a chu'ng
to^i
hay bo+?i vi` la`m a(n lo^~ la~?
(Tri'ch TK/MVBDD)
Cha(?ng nhu+~ng to^i kho^ng co' ddu+o+.c mo^.t
tuo^?i tho+ bi`nh thu+o+`ng, nhu+ nhu+~ng ddu+'a
tre? cu`ng tho+`i, (ma`,) ca? mo^.t tho+ a^'u,
mo^.t nie^n thie^'u to^i dda~ tro^i la(n theo
nu+o+'c ma('t me. to^i. Lo^.. tri`nh tuo^?i tho+ to^i
la` Lo^. tri`nh nu+o+'c ma('t.
To^i tro^i, la(n theo do`ng nu+o+'c ma('t kho^ng
bao gio+` ngu+ng cha?y cu?a me. to^i, tu+` Kim
Ba?ng, Phu? Ly', ra to+'i Ha` No^.i, 1951.
Sau Hie^.p ddi.nh Geneva, cuo^'i na(m 1954, theo
ngu+o+`i anh thu+' hai (bi. tro+? tha`nh anh
ca?,) gia ddi`nh chu'ng to^i di cu+ va`o DDa`
Na(~ng; ro^`i Ho^.i An; DDa` Na(~ng; (va`,) cuo^'i
cu`ng: Saigo`n, 1957.
Tha'ng Tu+, 75, nga`y 29, gia ddi`nh ngu+o+`i anh
lo+'n cu?a to^i: Di ta?n... Me. to^i kho^ng chi.u
ddi...! Chi? bo+?i vi` to+'i chie^`u ho^m ddo',
me. to^i va^~n chu+a co' tin tu+'c to^i...
Ba` kho^ng bie^'t ddu+'a con u't cu?a ba`, la`
to^i so^'ng, che^'t ra sao! Tho+`i ddie^?m na`y,
to^i dda~ lo+'n. To^i dda~ tru+o+?ng tha`nh; dda~
ra ddo+`i... (To^i dda~ kie^'m a(n vo+'i ta^'t
ca? nhu+~ng tra^`y tru.a, tra^y tru'a cu?a mo^.t
xa~ ho^.i chie^'n tranh, ddie^n dda?o...)
Me. to^i o+? vo+'i anh to^i va`, ca'c cha'u, o+?
ddu+o+`ng Tru+o+ng Minh Gia?ng. To^i o+? Nga~
Ba?y; Ru+`ng Cao Su Phu' Tho.; ro^`i Thi. Nghe`;
ro^`i la`ng Ba'o Chi', Xa Lo^..
Tho+`i gian 1975, to^i dda~ bu+o+'c va`o tuo^?i
ba mu+o+i. Du` xa~ ho^.i khi a^'y nhi`n to^i
the^' na`o, ra sao, (thi`,) me. to^i, trong sa^u
tha(?m, cu~ng nhu+ qua ta^'t ca? mo.i lo+`i no'i
cu?a me. to^i, to^i va^~n la` ddu+'a con u't co^i
cu't, ddu+'a con ta^.t nguye^`n, ddu+'a con ba^'t
ha.nh nha^'t trong so^' 4 ddu+a con co`n so't
la.i, sau ta^'t ca? 12 la^`n sanh, no+? cu?a
ba`.
Tho+`i gian 1975, du` cho xa~ ho^.i co' dda'nh
gia' to^i ra sao, the^' na`o, (thi`,) me. to^i
va^~n chi? tha^'y to^i, tru+o+'c, sau la` Chu' Pha'
(te^n va`, ca'ch go.i cu?a me. to^i, da`nh cho
to^i, to+'i phu't cuo^'i ddo+`i ba`.) Mo^.t "chu'
Pha'" nhu't nha't, kho^ng bao gio+` tru+o+?ng
tha`nh, nhu+ ca'c anh, ca'c chi. to^i.
Mo^.t "chu' Pha'" va^~n la`m nu~ng, va^~n sa`
va`o lo`ng me., ke'o ca(ng, va^`y vo` hai nu'm vu'
dda~ nha(n nheo, dda~ be`o nhe`o, dda~ dden ddu'a
nhu+ hai cu.c dda^'t nha~o cu?a ba`...
Nhu+ng, du` me. to^i co' ye^u thu+o+ng to^i ca'ch
ma^'y, du` to^i ca^`n thie^'t bie^'t bao nhie^u,
pha?i co' ba` cho ddo+`i mi`nh; cuo^'i cu`ng,
ro^`i me. to^i cu~ng qua ddo+`i!
Ba` so^'ng the^m, chi? ddu+o+.c vo?n ve.n hai
na(m, ke^? tu+` nga`y to^i ddu+a ddu+o+.c me. to^i
ra kho?i dda^'t nu+o+'c.
Su+. ra ddi vi~nh vie^~n cu?a me. to^i, kho^ng
he^` mang y' nghi~a ca'i lo^. tri`nh nu+o+'c ma('t
ddo+`i to^i cha^'m du+'t.
Lo^. tri`nh do`ng le^. kho^ng ngu+`ng tuo^n,
cha?y kia, no+i me. to^i, la..i truye^`n thu+`a sang
to^i. To^i tro+? tha`nh ngu+o+`i co' the^?
kho'c, ba^'t cu+' lu'c na`o, nhu+ mo^.t ddu+'a con
ni't, mo^~i khi nho+', nghi~ to+'i me. to^i. No'i
ca'ch kha'c, tru+o+'c sau gi`, ky' u+'c to^i,
cu~ng va^~n la` ky' u+'c cu?a mo^.t ke? ta^.t
nguye^`n. Ky' u+'c cu?a mo^..t ke? kho^n thoa't kho?i
ca'i lo^. tri`nh nu+o+'c ma('t cu?a chi'nh
ha('n:
to+'i lu'c che^'t
me. to^i co`n ngo+~ mi`nh va^~n tho+?
giu+~a Saigo`n, Tru+o+ng Minh Gia?ng,
Ho^`ng Tha^.p Tu+., Ha`ng Xanh, Tra^`n Hu+ng
DDa.o
nhu+~ng chuye^'n xa Lam ve^` Ho`a Hu+ng,
O^ng ta.
nhu+~ng chuye^'n xe nu+?a ddo+`i, nu+?a
ddoa.n
nhu+~ng chuye^'n xe chu+a ki.p ve^` so^ng
DDa'y
dda~ nghe buo^`n tre^n nhu+~ng tro+?
lui...
bie^?n tho+? ti't cha^n tro+`i tha(m
tha(?m, che^'t
bie^?n DDo^ng va`o cu+?a kha'c, pha^n,
ly
to^i ngo^`i la.i nghe buo^?i chie^`u chu.p,
phu?
ne'n hu+o+ng ta`n, mo^. chi' ai kia?
me. mo^.t thuo+? theo dda`n con ddi
khua^'t
dde^? ho^m nay ma^'t da^'u quay ve^`
trong tha^n xa'c dda~ kho^ ca(`n ma'u
ddo?
thi.t xu+o+ng kia ro^`i cu~ng ru+~a,
tan.
nhu+~ng ngo^i mo^. o+? be^n ngoa`i dda^'t
nu+o+'c
nga`n na(m sau hai tie^'ng Vie^.t Nam
kho^ng ai go.i, kho^ng ai co`n nho+'
nu+~a
na('m xu+o+ng xu+a ro^`i cu~ng que^n
nguo^`n.
khi to^i to+'i nhu+~ng bo^ng hoa o^'i
ddo?
co? ca^y cho+` nhu+ tu+o+.ng dda~ bao
na(m
to^i muo^'n cho.n mo^.t cho^~ na(`m be^n
ca.nh
kho^ng co`n cha, mo^i me. ma'u hoen
ba^`m!
(Tri'ch TK/MVBDD)
Sau ca'i che^'t cu?a me. to^i kho^ng la^u, mo^.t
buo^?i tru+a, to^i ddang ngo^`i trong mo^.t
qua'n a(n o+? mie^`n Nam California, qua'n Song Long,
vo+'i Nha` va(n Mai Tha?o; Ba'c si~ Nguye^~n
Ma.nh, mo^.t ngu+o+`i ba.n va(n chu+o+ng (va`,)
cu~ng la` ba.n ddo^`ng mo^n tru+o+`ng trung ho.c Chu
Va(n An, tu+` ba`n be^n ca.nh bu+o+'c qua. O^ng
ba?o to^i, theo o^ng (thi`,) to^i dda~ ma('c
pha?i chu+'ng be^.nh Thyroid... To^i ca^`n pha?i ddi
chu+~a ngay; ne^'u kho^ng muo^'n che^'t ba^'t
dda('c ky` tu+?. Ly' do, tra'i tim cu?a to^i co'
the^? ngu+ng dda^.p, ba^'t cu+' lu'c na`o! Ba'c si~
Nguye^~n Ma.nh chuye^n ve^` quang tuye^'n X, ne^n
ho^m sau, to^i to+'i pho`ng ma.ch mo^.t ngu+o+`i
ba.n kha'c. Pho`ng ma.ch Ba'c si~ DDa(..ng DDu+'c
Nghie^m, cu~ng la` cho^~ quen bie^'t vo+'i
to^i...
Sau khi thu+? nghie^.m, Ba'c si~ Nghie^m no'i
ke^'t qua? thu+? nghie^.m xa'c nha^.n: To^i dda~ bi.
ma('c chu+'ng be^.nh Thyroid.
To^i co' co^' ga('ng la`m theo nhu+~ng ddo`i ho?i
cu?a B.S Nghie^m, nhu+ thu+? ma'u, chu.p
phim,..., no+i pho`ng ma.ch cu?a Ba'c si~ Phu`ng Gia
Thanh, trong khu Magnolia Medical Center... Tuy
nhie^n, nu+?a chu+`ng, to^i la.i bo? ngang. To^i
kho^ng ddu? phu+o+ng tie^.n theo dduo^?i cuo^.c
chu+~a, tri.. (Khi ddo', to^i kho^ng he^` co'
Medical, cu~ng cha(?ng co' ba?o hie^?m.)
Cuo^'i na(m 1991, anh em CVA o+? Houston, nha^n
mo^.t cuo^.c ho.p ma(.t cuo^'i na(m, mo+`i Gia'o
su+ Toa`n Phong-Nguye^~n Xua^n Vinh qua, no'i
chuye^.n. Gia'o su+ Vinh ddu+o+.c mo+`i no'i
chuye^.n ve^` dde^` ta`i He^. tho^'ng gia'o du.c ta.i
Hoa Ky`. To^i cu~ng ddu+o+.c anh em mo+`i qua,
no'i ve^` dde^` ta`i Ti`nh ca?nh ngu+o+`i ca^`m
bu't sau 1975.
Lu'c pha?i tra? lo+`i nhu+~ng
ca^u ho?i cu?a ca'c ba.n ddo^`ng mo^n, co' mo^.t
ngu+o+`i kho^ng dda(.t cho to^i ca^u ho?i na`o
lie^n quan to+'i dde^` ta`i; (ma`,) la.i bu+o+'c ra,
ho?i to^i co' bie^'t to^i ddang mang chu+'ng
be^.nh Thyroid trong co+ the^??
O^ng ho?i ta.i sao to^i kho^ng chu+~a cha.y ca(n
be^.nh a^'y?
Ngu+o+`i ddo' la` Ba'c si~ Ho^` Ta^'n Phu+o+'c;
mo^.t cu+.u ho.c sinh CVA.
Khi ddu+o+.c bie^'t, to^i ra^'t muo^'n chu+~a,
tri.; nhu+ng kho^ng co' ddie^`u kie^.n...; BS
Phu+o+'c no'i, ngay trong buo^?i ho.p ma(.t ra(`ng,
anh se~ chu+~a, tri. cho to^i; chi? vo+'i mo^.t
ddie^`u kie^.n: To^i pha?i do.n nha`, pha?i di
chuye^?n ve^` Houston...
To^i vo^ cu`ng ca?m ddo^.ng (va`,) cu~ng vo^
cu`ng a'y na'y tru+o+'c ta^'m lo`ng he^'t mu+.c tu+?
te^' cu?a BS Phu+o+'c.
Khi tro+? la.i Cali, to^i coi chuye^.n ddo' nhu+
kho^ng co'. (To^i kho^ng nhi`n tha^'y no+i to^i
mo^.t kha? na(ng, mo^.t co+ ho^.i dde^`n o+n, du`
ra^'t nho?, da`nh cho Ba'c si~ Phu+o+'c.)
To^i tie^'p tu.c chung so^'ng vo+'i ca(n be^.nh
Thyroid cu?a mi`nh, the^m mo^.t na(m nu+~a.
Ngu+o+`i ti'ch cu+.c ddie^n thoa.i ho^'i thu'c,
tha^..m chi' dde^` nghi. cung ca^'p phu+o+ng tie^.n
di chuye^?n, no+i a(n, cho^'n o+?, xe co^. ...cho
to^i la` Tru+o+ng Tro.ng Tra'c, tu+'c nha` ba'o
Tro.ng Kim, mo^.t ba.n ho.c thuo+? thie^'u tho+`i
cu?a to^i. Tru+o+'c su+. quan ta^m, ho^'i thu'c
to+'i nao lo`ng cu?a Tra'c, cuo^'i cu`ng, to^i
quye^'t ddi.nh ddi`nh ba?n to+` ba'o Tay Pha?i, di
chuye^?n ve^` Houston. DDo' la` nhu+~ng nga`y
dda^`u na(m 1992.
Giai ddoa.n na`y, cuo^.c ddo+`i to^i, cu~ng
ba('t dda^`u mo^.t khu'c quanh kha'c.)
Theo Ba'c si~ Ho^` Ta^'n Phu+o+'c o+? Houston,
Texas, ngu+o+`i ti`nh nguye^.n tra? ta^'t ca? mo.i
y phi' tri. be^.nh cho to^i, (thi`,) Thyroid hay
be^.nh "Bu+o+'u co^? lo^. ha^`u" thu+o+`ng xa^?y
to+'i cho nhu+~ng ngu+o+`i co' gia ddi`nh ddo^?
vo+~, pha' sa?n, tha^'t ti`nh; hoa(.c, bi. be^.nh
u+u ua^'t ke'o da`i qua' la^u... Nhu+~ng lo+`i
gia?i thi'ch kia, cu?a Ba'c si~ Phu+o+'c tru`ng
kho+'p vo+'i hoa`n ca?nh to^i, tho+`i ddie^?m
a^'y.
Tho+`i ddie^?m cuo^'i tha^.p nie^n 80, dda^`u
tha^.p nie^n 90.
Tru+o+'c (va`,) sau ca'i che^'t cu?a me. to^i,
ddo+`i so^'ng to^i la` mo^..t loa.t nhu+~ng ddo^?
vo+~: DDo^? vo+~ gia ddi`nh. DDo^? vo+~ ti`nh
ca?m. DDo^? vo+~ nie^`m tin, trong ddo+`i
thu+o+`ng.
To^i nha^.n chi.u mo.i tai u+o+ng, kho^ng mo^.t
lo+`i gia?i thi'ch.
To^i nha^.n chi.u mo.i ke^'t a'n, nguye^`n ru?a,
kho^ng mo^.t ddi'nh chi'nh...
DDe^? cho^'ng tra? nhu+~ng ma.ng lu+o+'i bu?a
va^y tru`ng ddie^.p ba^'t ha.nh na`y, to^i ti`m
va`o hai nguo^`n an u?i chi'nh: To^n Gia'o va`, Thi
Ca.
DDa^y la` tho+`i gian to^i vie^'t ddu+o+.c kha'
nhie^`u tho+; (ma`,) nguo^`n ca?m hu+'ng chi'nh
la.i kho+?i ddi tu+` kinh Pha^.t, (va`,) kinh
Cu+..u U+o+'c, nhie^`u nha^'t la` Ta^n U+o+'c, cu?a
Ky To^ Gia'o.
Cu~ng tho+`i gian na`y, ba^'t ngo+`, co^' thi si~
Nguye^n Sa cho dda(ng tre^n Ta.p chi' Va(n cu?a
Nha` va(n Mai Tha?o; cu`ng mo^.t lu'c ba ba`i
tho+. Ba ba`i tho+ mo+? dda^`u cho loa.t tho+
(ma`,) o^ng go.i la` "Tho+ Ta'm Ca^u Vie^'t Ve^`
Ba(`ng Hu+~u." DDo' la` ca'c ba`i co' nhan dde^`
"Mai Tha?o;" "Doa~n Quo^'c Sy~;" "Du Tu+? Le^."
Mo+? dda^`u ba`i tho+ nhan dde^`: "Du Tu+? Le^,"
co^' thi si~ Nguye^n Sa vie^'t:
ba.n to^i ba(`ng nu+?a con co`
va'c tre^n lu+ng ca'i dde^`n tho+` con
voi
con voi na(.ng cu~ng vu+`a tho^i
co' em ngu+o+`i dde.p la.i ngo^`i be^n
tre^n.
......
Ba`i tho+ sau ddo' ddu+o+.c in la.i trong cuo^'n
Tho+ Nguye^n Sa, ta^.p 3, cu?a Nguye^n Sa, ti'nh
ra cu~ng dda~ ga^`n 10 na(m.
Tuy nhie^n, to+'i nga`y ho^m nay, va^~n co`n
ra^'t nhie^`u ngu+o+`i ho?i to^i:
-DDa^u la` y' nghi~a sa^u xa cu?a ca^u co' em
ngu+o+`i dde.p la.i ngo^`i be^n tre^n?
To^i nho+', trong mo^.t ba`i no'i ve^` to^i, Nha`
tho+ Tra^`n Ba't Nha~ o+? New Orleans dda~ da`nh
nhie^`u phu't gia?i thi'ch ve^` ba`i... "Con Co`
Du Tu+? Le^" kia.
Du+o+`ng nhu+~ng gia?i thi'ch cu?a ho. Tra^`n
kho^ng tho?a ma~n ddu+o+.c nhu ca^`u ti`m hie^?u
cu?a ngu+o+`i ddo.c.
Ho. Tra^`n nha^'n ma.nh khi'a ca.nh dde^`n tho+`
con voi nhu+ mo^.t y' nie^.m ve^` su+. vi~ dda.i
cu?a ngo^i dde^`n thi ca... O^ng kho^ng ta^.n
gia?i ca^u co' em ngu+o+`i dde.p la.i ngo^`i be^n
tre^n cu?a Thi si~ Nguye^n Sa.
Rie^ng ca' nha^n to^i, tru+o+'c ca^u ho?i kia,
suo^'t bao nhie^u na(m, khi ddu+o+.c ho?i, to^i
chi? cu+o+`i, hoa(.c la('c dda^`u.
Ho^m nay, to^i nghi~, co' le~ dda~ to+'i lu'c
ne^n no'i mo^.t la^`n, cho ro~ y' nghi~a cu?a ca^u
tho+ a^'y.
To^i nghi~, co' de^~, ddo' cu~ng la` ca'ch ba`y
to? lo`ng tra^n tro.ng cu?a ca' nha^n to^i,
tru+o+'c vong linh Thi si~ Nguye^n Sa, mo^.t thi si~
lo+'n, co' ta^`m a?nh hu+o+?ng ro^.ng ra~i trong
tho+`i dda.i chu'ng ta.
Theo to^i, chu+~ ngu+o+`i dde.p ma` ta'c gia?
du`ng trong ca^u tho+ Co'
em ngu+o+`i dde.p la.i ngo^`i be^n tre^n kho^ng
he^` mang y' a'm thi. mo^..t ngu+o+`i nu+~ na`o,
trong ddo+`i so^'ng cu?a to^i.
Chu+~ ngu+o+`i dde.p o+? dda^y, Thi si~ Nguye^n
Sa muo^'n no'i:
-Ca?m hu+'ng trong tho+ cu?a to^i, bao gio+`
cu~ng ba('t nguo^`n tu+` nhu+~ng cuo^.c ti`nh...
Du` cho ddo' la` nhu+~ng cuo^.c ti`nh o^`n a`o,
tan na't, dda^`y tai tie^'ng... Hay nhu+~ng cuo^.c
ti`nh dda~ a^m tha^`m tan ddi; (va`,) so^'
ngu+o+`i bie^'t ddu+o+.c, ra^'t gio+'i ha.n.
Nha^.n ddi.nh cu?a co^' Thi si~ Nguye^n Sa ve^`
nguo^`n go^'c tho+ to^i, vo+'i to^i, la` mo^.t
nha^.n ddi.nh ra^'t tinh te^'.
Co' the^?, nho+` tu+` Vie^.t Nam to+'i ha?i
ngoa.i, trong nhie^`u chu.c na(m, lie^n he^. giu+~a
chu'ng to^i kho^ng he^` bi. gia'n ddoa.n. DDo^i
khi, o^ng cho to^i ca?m tu+o+?ng, o^ng hie^?u ve^`
to^i, nhie^`u ho+n chi'nh to^i nu+~a. Qua?
va^.y, ngoa`i nguo^`n ca?m hu+'ng tu+` ngu+o+`i me.,
dda~ qua ddo+`i; ta^'t ca? nhu+~ng ba`i tho+ to^i
vie^'t xuo^'ng, du` cho chu'ng kho^ng pha?i la`
nhu+~ng ba`i tho+ ti`nh ye^u ddo^i lu+'a...
Nhu+ng ddo^.ng lu+.c thu'c dda^?y to^i vie^'t, va^~n
la` mo^.t hay nhie^`u ngu+o+`i nu+~.
Tho+`i gian Thi si~ Nguye^n Sa ba('t dda^`u loa.t
tho+ ta'm ca^u vie^'t ve^` ba(`ng hu+~u, cu~ng
la` tho+`i gian to^i cho pho^? bie^'n ba`i Cuo^'i
Na(m Chuye^.n Va^~n Vo+'i Be^.nh Thyroid.
DDo' la` mo^.t trong nhu+~ng ba`i tho+ kho^ng
he^` co' chung mo^.t kho+?i nguo^`n: nguo^`n ti`nh
ye^u, vo+'i nhu+~ng ba`i tho+ kha'c cu?a to^i.
Ba`i tho+ co' nhu+~ng ca^u ra^'t ddo+`i
thu+o+`ng, ra^'t tho^ tha'p, nhu+:
o^ ke^, cu~ng to^'t tho^i Thyroid
du` gio+` dda^y chu'ng ta mo+'i ti`nh co+`
nha^.n ra ma(.t mu~i nhau
du` ba.n o+? trong to^i na(m, sa'u na(m
tru+o+'c
du` ba.n dda~ cho.n nhu+~ng mie^'ng ngon
nha^'t cu?a tha^n the^? to^i
dde^? xo+i
xo+i tu+` tu+`
xo+i ki'n dda'o
(nhu+ nhu+~ng nha` chi'nh tri. kho^n
ngoan: nga^.m mie^.ng a(n tie^`n)
ba.n xo+i
mie^'ng gan me^`m co' ma'u tho+m lua^n
lu+u
mie^'ng tim xo^'p nhie^`u lo^~
bao na(m dda^.p lie^n ho^`i tro^'ng
tra^.n.
Thyroid, chi'nh ba.n
(chu+' co`n ai va`o dda^'y)
dda~ xo+i cu?a to^i mie^'ng ma('t
trong
chi'nh ba.n chu? mu+u dda^?y con ngu+o+i
to^i lo^`i ra kho?i ho^'c ma('t
ba.n cho+i kha(m qua' ddi
cho+i dde^?u qua' ddi
cho+i sa't va'n
cho+i to^i na' tho+?...
ho+n ai he^'t
ba.n bie^'t Chu'a tu+`ng da(.n do`
ne^'u dde^? mo^.t con ngu+o+i cu?a ngu+o+i
co' di.p pha.m to^.i
thi` tha` chi.u cho^.t dde^? ddu+o+.c va`o
nu+o+'c thie^n dda`ng
co`n ho+n giu+~ nguye^n ma` se~ bi. ddo.a
ve^` ddi.a ngu.c.
ba.n va^~n nha^'t ddi.nh xo+i con ma('t
cu?a to^i
cu~ng ddu+o+.c ddi
nhu+ng cha? vie^.c gi` pha?i cho+i nhau
ta^.n ti`nh dde^'n the^'...
du` sao to^i cu~ng chi? ca^`n con ngu+o+i
cu?a mi`nh lu'c na`y tho^i
(ngay khi chu'ng tu+`ng co' co+ pha.m
to^.i)
dde^? nhi`n nhu+~ng ngu+o+`i ti`nh ra
ddi
nhu+ nhi`n do`ng nu+o+'c cha?y
(nhu+~ng do`ng nu+o+'c kho^ng co' kho+?i
nguo^`n
se~ la^'y dda^u la`m ddie^?m ke^'t
thu'c?)
du` sao to^i cu~ng chi? ca^`n
con ngu+o+i mi`nh lu'c na`y
dde^? tha^'y ca'c con to^i
nhu+~ng ddu+'a nho? nhu+ chim
lo+'n giu+~a mu`a ba~o ro+'t
nhu+~ng ddu+'a nho? nhu+ tre
mo.c giu+~a ru+`ng cha'y na'm
nhu+~ng ddu+'a tre? kho^ng da'm
nghi~ co' nga`y ga(.p cha..."
.....
(Na(m 1994, khi Lua^.t su+ Pha.m DDu+'c Tie^'n,
to^? chu+'c cho to^i, mo^..t buo^?i gio+'i
thie^.u ta'c pha^?m Cha^'m Du+'t Lua^n Ho^`i: Em
Bu+o+'c Ra, o+? Thu+ Vie^.n Trung U+o+ng Arlington,
Hoa Thi.nh DDo^'n, to^i nho+', Nha` va(n Tru+o+ng
Anh Thu.y dda~ dde^` ca^.p to+'i ba`i tho+ na`y,
mo^.t ca'ch sa^u sa('c...)
DDo' la` tho+`i ddie^?m dda^`u tha^.p nie^n 90.
Tho+`i ddie^?m ma`, nhu+~ng ngu+o+`i phu. nu+~
bo? to^i ra ddi. Tho+`i ddie^?m cu?a nhu+~ng
cuo^..c ti`nh kho^'c lie^.t. Nhu+~ng cuo^.c ti`nh,
duye^n mang dde^'n cho to^i, cu`ng lu'c ha.nh phu'c
cho'i, ga('t; va`, tai tie^'ng xa^'u, xa;
tha^..m chi', ca? nhu+~ng lo+`i nguye^`n ru?a.
Tho+`i ddie^?m ddo', la` tho+`i ddie^?m (ma`,)
cuo^.c ti`nh giu+~a to^i va` mo^.t nu+~ nghe^. si~
(ma`,) to^i go.i la` La~m, hay La~m Ca, ddi to+'i
ddie^?m cu+.c dda.i cu?a o^`n a`o, cu?a nhu+~ng
lo+`i the^u de^.t, cu?a nhu+~ng ba`i ba'o, thu+
ro+i...
Ho^m nay, nho+' la.i, to^i co`n e^ che^`, to^i
co`n xa^'u ho^?. Ne^'u kho^ng co' hai nguo^`n cu+'u
ro^~i la` To^n Gia'o va` Thi Ca, to^i nghi~,
ho^m nay, to^i dda~ kho^ng co`n ddu+'ng dda^y.
Ba^y gio+`, o+? dda^y, khi tho^' lo^. nhu+~ng
ddie^`u na`y, vo+'i to^i, chi'nh la` lo+`i ca?m
o+n, ddo^`ng tho+`i, cu~ng la`, lo+`i xin lo^~i...
To^i muo^'n ba`y to? cu`ng lu'c, lo`ng bie^'t o+n
va`, xin tha thu+' cho nhu+~ng to^.i lo^~i,
nhu+~ng sai la^`m, nhu+~ng ba^`m gia^.p cha^'t
cho^`ng tu+` mo^.t qua' khu+' sa('p tro`n 60 na(m.
(Ne^'u me. to^i co' ma(.t, lu'c na`y, ta.i dda^y,
ba` se~ kho^ng tin ta^'t ca? nhu+~ng gi` to^i
mo+'i ta^m su+.. La` mo^.t ngu+o+`i phu. nu+~ i't
ho.c, me. to^i lo+'n le^n, la^'y cho^`ng, sinh
con, nuo^i, ru, ra(n da.y chu'ng to^i, ba(`ng kho
ta`ng ca dao, tu.c ngu+~ chu+`ng nhu+ ba^'t
ta^.n; tru+o+'c sau, vo+'i ba` to^i kho^ng he^` la`
mo^.t ddu+'a con tru+o+?ng tha`nh. Vo+'i ba`, to^i
kho^ng the^? la` ngu+o+`i co' the^? la`m tho+,
vie^'t va(n, du` chi? la` loa.i tho+, va(n "vo+'
va^?n" (nhu+ sinh tho+`i, ba` thu+o+`ng no'i.)
To^i vi~nh vie^~n chi? la` "chu' Pha'" ta^.t
nguye^`n, to^.i nghie^.p cu?a rie^ng ba`, ma`
tho^i.)
Ma(.c du` va^.y, ho^m nay, xin mo.i ngu+o+`i, xin
quy' vi. ha~y vui lo`ng nha^.n ddo'n, kho^ng
chi? tho+ to^i, (ma`,) luo^n ca? con ngu+o+`i to^i,
trong ddo+`i thu+o+`ng. Mo^.t con ngu+o+`i,
pha^`n na`o tra^`n tru.i, tru+o+'c ma(.t quy' vi..
DU TU+? LE^ - Aug. 99
(*) Tu+.-su+.- ke^? na`y, ddu+o+.c ta'c gia?
tri`nh ba`y la^`n dda^`u tie^n trong hai nga`y
Thu+' ba?y va` Chu? Nha^.t 21, 22 tha'ng 8-1999 ta.i
The Stage Theater, San Jose, trong chu+o+ng
tri`nh "1999 Downtown Arts Series," pha^`n Vie^.t Nam,
do Ho^.i AVA to^? chu+'c. Nhan dde^` do chi'nh
ta'c gia? cho.n, sau khi dda~ hie^.u ddi'nh.
Ba.n ddo.c co' the^? dda(.t mua "To^i, A^'u Tho+
Va`, Me." ta^.p Ho^`i Ky' / Tu`y Bu't ba(`ng
Emal, hoa(.c qua ddi.a chi?: Phan Tuyen, 12751
Lucille Ave, Garden Grove, CA 92841-4711, USA. A^'n
phi' 12 My~ kim, go^`m luo^n ca? cu+o+'c phi' ha.ng
nha^'t. Ngoa`i Hoa Ky` xin tra? the^m 3 My~ kim
cho cu+o+'c phi' ma'y bay. Chi phie^'u, bu+u
phie^'u xin dde^` Phan Tuyen. (GCCNXB.)
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